Family: the infinite circle…
I had a conversation with my half sister recently. We were talking about family, our common and uncommon roots. We have the same father. I was telling her about my difficult relationship with my mother. Our relationship has changed a lot but it’s not always easy, it’s like I expect something from her that she can never give me. So I limit my contact, I fear reliving conversations where I feel like I’m not being listened to and where she talks about all the misery of the world. My half sister says to me: « Never forget that she had a difficult past ». I felt a great anger and I said to myself « Ooh, it stings, there’s still something to heal… »
It was as if this sentence cancelled out everything I had gone through and brought out what had not been evacuated. The emotional burden of the physical and verbal abuse of much of my life. Yet I have been in therapy since I was 27 years old. I am 43 today and I realize that there is still anger. That in my interactions with my own family, husband and children, phrases and behaviours from my past come out. Yet I have had the opportunity to tell my parents what was on my heart, to gradually come out of a role I had towards them. I investigated, made sure I knew as much as possible about my family history, so yes I knew my mother’s past but I didn’t live it. That allows me to understand her behaviour to some extent. What’s difficult is to realize that I’m still reproducing some of the things I went through and I’m doing it to those I love. I have made progress but the healing process seems to take a long time…
They say it takes a lifetime to forgive. So does reprogramming. When I talk about forgiveness, I’m talking about being able to let go of the emotional charge of a person’s past. It’s not about continuing to go through a situation. You can love a person very well and set clear limits.
I’m telling my husband. He acknowledges my suffering and the difficulty of my situation, something I have not allowed myself to do. Maybe putting things into perspective is a way to minimize what happened and make it less real. And just like that, I cried, a ball materialized immediately in my throat, something buried that could finally come out. The recognition of my suffering, my legitimacy. And maybe that’s why forgiveness takes time. Because the acknowledgement of suffering is a mark of weakness in our society. Instead of having rituals to get rid of it all without judgment, these energy charges are pushed to the bottom, sometimes with the help of medication for some. The traumas that are not evacuated resurface in our lives, in the form of situations, people, diseases and we relive it all until we understand.
And God created… What if we created?
My husband offered me an exercise to free me from this expectation I have of her. He advised me to write a conversation with my mother. To write a version where she tells me what I want to hear. I ended up rewriting her story with me, our past. What would have happened if?
The brain makes no difference between the real and the virtual, they are only electrical signals. And thoughts are the creators of our reality. Our subconscious in particular. Our situation is a mirror of what we are. So if we want to change our reality, we must already change ourselves. In depth.
As I rewrote the past, I became aware of my own blockages. It’s not an easy exercise. It was hard to imagine my mother happy. I imagined my mother making her dreams come true. And that’s when embarassing emotions came up: would she have taken care of me if she had had a career? Would she have stayed with my father? That sometimes suited me to have a special bond with my father and in a weird competition with my mom… As a result, personal beliefs came to the surface: I’m afraid of succeeding professionally because I’m afraid of abandoning my children. If I am independent I leave my husband. As if there was no in-between in the scenarios. And I thought about my maternal grandmother who was forced to marry my grandfather. After my grandfather died she stayed single.
It allowed me to better identify my desires. This past that I was rewriting is a bit the future I wanted. It also allowed me to identify the parts where I built myself alone and the parts I inherited from my parents, the good and the not so good. I called my mother after I did this and it went very well, it brought to light an aspect of her that she rarely showed and yet was crucial to understanding my family heritage.
Then I rewrote my life from the age of 20 with today’s me. What I would have done, not done. And finally I can see more clearly what I want for my future with my family. In fact, I find it easier to think that I would like to be happy than to actually visualize it. It’s like I’ve been used to a certain degree of happiness. We often hear people complain about their situation but they often forget the comfort of giving responsibility for their lives to someone else. It’s a bit like universal income, it’s a great tool for freedom, but there will be people who won’t want it. Some will confuse work with activity, will not know what to do if there is no boss above them. Others will think that no one will do anything anymore, which is absurd, we all need a purpose, to care, to share…
This is where the principle of the Law of Attraction (cf. article) becomes difficult, you really need to have the vibration of the situation you want to create it. To imagine yourself in the situation, to feel what it provokes, it allows you to see where you are in relation to it. Is this the best situation for us? Or is it an idea of how happy we are? We often think that we will be happier when we have more money or when we have made a change in our life. This is true to some extent, but we need a purpose and a renewal.
We must both learn to appreciate what is already there and follow our desires to follow the cycle of life. It’s not easy, is it? It’s all about letting go, being fully aware.
A big change is underway. A new era is dawning in which autonomy and responsability will dominate. The famous Age of Aquarius where the human being will regain his ability to take his destiny in hand in harmony with his environment.
We create the world
The period of isolation and global pause gives us a unique opportunity to take the time to rewrite our history. Our individual and collective history.
What do you really want? What would you naturally do if you had the freedom to do it without restriction and without the need for recognition? Just because you like it?
What are our basic needs? Eating, sleeping, having fun, moving, sharing, exchanging. We need stability, a foundation and change. Do we need to accumulate possessions for that? Time has become a scarce commodity in our consumer society.
Let’s try to imagine a better world and apply this to our daily life and little by little our reality will change.
Our consumer’s power is the key, what we buy or don’t buy allows the production of a product…or stops it. Taking care of yourself, of your body…Why do we live in concrete houses? It doesn’t breathe, wood has interesting properties. What if we lived in communities on a human scale instead of crammed into big cities? There would be more green spaces, more jobs because the interest of big cities is to have a rich cultural life and businesses.
For me the future is not determined, there are infinite time lines, infinite possibilities that depend on our choices. I have the feeling that we each have our own timelines, which means that we can each create our own reality and integrate our own frequency. There is no judgment on these different frequencies, I think that the universe is constantly experimenting itself. Sometimes I have transmitted predictions given by the guides to a person. They were warnings. Afterwards, the person continued to live in the same way and months later, some of the predictions came true. It only takes a decision, a flutter of wings to change things, and I think that is very positive. So if you go to see a seer or if you read a prophecy, these are just indicators of the moment. A tarot deck can be alarming but you can make a difference and what’s great is that it’s for your own good. We’re currently between two energies, there are people who will cling to the existing system (it is necessary to work hard to live, robotization of the human being, forgetfulness of the body and no respect for the earth, guilt , law of the strongest, uniformity) and others who will go towards a new world (change of diet, development of psychic faculties, system of exchange of skills, respect for the rhythm of the body and the earth, highlighting differences and complementarities … ).
It reminds me of a huge video game, a big tapestry where we are each of the threads that influence each other. Where each adventure begins with a discomfort, continues with a quest and a return home with more skills (Joseph Campbell’s famous Journey of the Hero) .
We’d be there to experiment and trace the information back to the source. According to some legends and channeling, the source of perfect creation would have divided into several souls to experience itself. These little pieces of souls will live on different planets and allow the source to create even more universes with the information it collects. Our fall in matter would be a way of living infinite realities and through our spiritual progression (ascension) we would go back to the source to become one with it and then start again in this cycle of incarnations. I do not affirm that this is the truth but it is the theory that speaks to me the most about the « why are we here? ».
If we have forgotten everything or almost everything about our incarnations, about our origins, it is perhaps to rediscover them better, to play again, it seems that « God » has hidden the secret of happiness inside man. What could be better than limitations to live different configurations and to surpass oneself.
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